Grocery

These are some common things I consistently see at the grocery store. Some are annoying, some are rude, and some are just things I wonder about.

Here we have a woman with a horde of children who are clinging to and circling around her like asteroids caught in a planet’s gravity field, blocking every aisle they visit. What this person did wrong happened long before she entered the grocery store. You can’t really be angry at her, just annoyed. Avoid any aisle where you see them and come back later. I feel sorry for her, too. It’s not easy to go through child birth that many times, then keep up with all of your offspring without losing one or two occasionally.

Here we have a man who has apparently been chosen to do the family shopping that week. He is on the phone the entire time with wifey, discussing the merits of each item she has placed on his list. The size, price, and chemical makeup of the items must be discussed. He takes pictures of several heads of lettuce on his iPhone to show her, so that she can choose one to her liking. I feel sorry for this man. He and wifey may as well have just come to the store and shopped together. Most men who absolutely have to go to the grocery store for something like to have a clear goal in mind (like beer), pick it up, pay and get out. I love being next in line behind them.

Here we have soccer moms in a terrible rush, barreling through the store, running through the aisles with carts like defensive linemen because they only have 15 minutes to buy dinner, stand in line and pay for it before picking up little Brittany for ballet class, and Brittany is 10 minutes away. Better planning skills need to be developed here. These are the people who dash blindly around corners, not caring that someone they can’t see yet may be there. They brush past people without a thought about saying something like, “excuse me,” or “sorry.” If you happen to be around the corner when they rush in your direction, be prepared for a crash.

I have a list when I shop. Why are some people so impressed with that? I guess they need a primer on planning skills. How do you shop for the coming week and remember everything you will need without a list? Oh, I see. You don’t. Hence, the linebacker impersonation at the store while Brittany waits.

Here we have people who block aisles with carts. This person is looking at stuff, comparing, and trying to make a decision. The only problem is that they just left their cart in the middle of the aisle and they are standing on one side of it, blocking the entire aisle. It does not occur to them that they could pull the cart in, right beside them, leaving the aisle free for others who may be trying to shop.

And here is my nightmare for the week. Well, I suppose it’s not that bad. I’ll just call it a nightmere instead. Before I write this, I want you all to know that I have nothing against old people. I hope to live to be old one day myself. But everyone’s patience has limits.

An old woman slowly progresses toward the checkout line and you just know she will be one of those people who contemplates every item in the cart as she takes it out and carefully places all like items together on the conveyor belt. She stands there watching the pricing for each item at the register. More often than not, there is at least one item that she believes rang up with the wrong price. A price check call is made. A stock person comes to pick up the item and discover whether it is properly priced or not. We all wait for the woman’s claim to be verified (or not).

After the final bill is tallied, the woman reaches inside her purse to pull out a check book. She hasn’t even thought about filling in the generic information on the check ahead of time. She carefully checks the total again and begins to write the entire check from start to finish, slowly and with utmost caution. She finally presents the cashier with her new masterpiece. But oh, she’s not done yet. The bagger has bagged all of her items in plastic bags, and then she realizes that she forgot to give him her reusable “green” bags. “No, no, no. I don’t want plastic. I want all of my groceries in these bags.” Aaahh!

I am not in the best of moods and cannot stand another ounce of annoyance, so I get out of line. I get in another line – maybe a bit longer, just to smother the urge I have to scream at her, go up and throw the plastic bags inside her “green” bags and send her on her way.

The next time I see that woman slowly heading for the register I am planning on using, I will speed up and walk very quickly to pass her and get in line before she arrives. Then I will act like I am focused on the magazines on display at the register and hope she doesn’t notice what I did. Even if she does notice, I am not moving. I know that is not the most courteous way to handle the situation, but it will improve my mood, immensely.

There, that’s better.